It’s been strange lately. I’ve had a lot of feelings all knotted together inside of me and they are starting to ooze out a little bit at a time. Stress seems to be a huge factor. It’s making me question and second guess decisions…doubt who I am and who I’m becoming. It’s a roller coaster ride of emotions and I’m buckled in for the wild ride.
Granted, it’s not as bad as I make it seem. I am not some terror-zilla, running around the streets with a wild look on my face and wondering how to deal. No, it’s nothing like that. I’m the muted version of a stressed out bride, except I’m not getting married and my decisions have to do with school and growing up…not wedding colors and bridesmaid dresses.
Senioritis is a crazy thing. It can be the cause of laziness, such as not wanting to do homework and not giving 110% in every thing you do. For me, I can’t give less then 110% of myself to anything…I’m too OCD. I have to try and be the best. Not for the “glory” or the “popularity” or for the “acceptance.” No, I do what I do for God’s glory. I want to be on fire for him in every thing I do…not incomplete and mediocre. (Sorry…that was a rabbit trail…)
However, senioritis has already given me a lot of thought. It’s making me realize that technically, this is my last year as a kid. After graduation, my friends are going to go their own way…to colleges around the globe and go on with their lives. I’m going to go to college and study my major. I’m going to move on, as well, and highschool will be a thing of the past. The memories, the laughter, the everything…just another chapter in the story of our lives.
It makes me wonder who I’m going to become when the next chapter called college rolls around. I’ve changed since highschool began. I’ve gotten stronger and learned how to hardcore study. I’ve learned to research and create formats for my papers. I’ve learned a lot about God’s wonderful and sovereign plan for my life…how His plans always work out and I just need to trust Him. I’ve learned how to be a better friend, how to be a better sister and daughter…how to transform more into the person God wants me to be.
College is going to show me a whole lot more about God and His plan, life, and myself. It scares and excites me at the same time. I sometimes don’t feel ready to embark on that challenge, but I guess I have no choice. College will be here before I know it (less than a year) and I’ll be further along that road then I am right now.
So, all the emotions and stress I’m feeling right now? Yeah, I have them. I have stress and doubt and a little bit of nostalgia already… but I’m guessing it’s normal when a big change is about to occur. All I know is that God is my refuge and strength. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength,” so I believe and trust in Him every day. He’ll get me through it. He’s gotten me through so much else. College will be just another marker along the way of proving to others that God has all things under control.
All I know is this: “One of the few things that you can be sure of in this world is that God is sure of your life.”