From my open and raw heart: personal post.

I keep a journal. I always ALWAYS forget to write in it, though. I don’t mean to not write in it, life just gets in the way.
You know what I mean? An idea comes to you and you think Oh yeah! I’m definitely going to keep at this idea! but then you never do.

That’s kind of like me and journaling. But I also have a problem. My problem is that I love buying new journals.
If I see a cute designed journal with a stack of blank paper inside, I go crazy. I have a mini obsession with stationary.
But see, I conflict with myself all the time, because even though I buy journals, I never use them.
It’s an endless cycle that will probably never be fixed, so I just keep buying new journals and barely writing in them.
The habit is addicting and hard to break.

However, once in a while, I’ll pull out one of my many half-written in journals and either a] write in it or b] read what I’ve previously written.
In today’s case, I did both.
After I finished pouring my heart onto paper, I flipped through the journal and re-read some of my older thoughts and feelings.
One post I wrote a while ago stopped me dead in my tracks.
I had completely forgotten about it and when I re-read it, tears came to my eyes.
The entry was written in my prayer journal, so it’s an entry written to Jesus.

Another thing, before I let you read the entry: I hate publishing my personal journal entries.
There’s something private and raw about it.
Blogging is one thing, but journaling just for yourself is a completely different thing.
I don’t like to mix the two, because it conflicts why I write in the first place.
However, I feel as if you may get something out of this, too.
Maybe, maybe not.
Either way, here it is.
I open my heart to let you in…

I’m in awe. Sometimes, I read the Bible and get nothing out of it and then other times, like today, I read it and I feel like you’re talking right to me. I read Romans 8 today because it talks about your love. It talks about how awesome You are. In a world so lost without you, I need light. I need direction. I need reassurance. Romans 8 does just that. Lord, You are awesome. Sometimes, I feel alone. I feel as if You aren’t there. You’re quiet and in a world so loud, I feel like I can’t find or hear you anywhere. But then I look at creation and read Romans 8 and I’m reminded that You’re always here and it comforts me.
A few verses jumped out at me while reading Romans 8. Verses: 8; 28; 31; 35-36; 38-39.
NOTHING can separate me from You. Not the sin, the sadness, darkness, lostness, people, or fear. They may try, but they’ll never succeed. Because You’re here and you love me. You call me Daughter and I honestly don’t deserve it at all. But you still call me that. You made me realize today that You’re still here.
It makes me so happy.
Thank you for everything. Really.


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